Catch-up Blitz: German Achorns and German Bureaucracy

I met Mr. Achorn on my seventh day in Germany. I had finally found my way to the correct office to do the correct bit of paperwork to get the ball rolling on all those wonderful doorways: visas to stay and SOFA status to get on base and mail packages and visit the library and get driving all over Europe. I waited in his lobby for forty minutes, reading posters on the wall about immigration laws and proper procedure, and the dire consequences of misinforming a government employee at any point in the process. If there is anything they take really seriously in Germany, it's beer and bureaucracy. He was polite, even quite friendly and joking with me. He answered all my questions and provided explanations when I was confused. He was new in the office, also just moved to Bad Schwalbach. He clearly marked off which items I needed to obtain to get the process rolling, and included his email address if I had any questions. Lovely!
I got started immediately, stopping on the way home to take my biometric pass photos. That evening, I emailed him my proof of insurance, told my boss how important it was to have my name on the mailbox (they won't deliver if your name isn't on the box), and asked for the 100 euros to cover the fee. Then came the debacle where my boss lost her wallet (it was lying on the counter) and canceled all of her bank and credit cards so that she didn't have access to her money either, but after another 5 days or so I was able to show up with everything I needed. Again, Mr. Achorn was friendly and firm, making clear that I was here at the moment on a Tourist visa, and was allowed to be in Germany for three months on that visa. I was expressly forbidden from working without a permit-- including as an au pair. I was here as a guest until I received the appropriate documents in the mail, which was not guaranteed. It would need to be approved by the appropriate body. (I have no idea if that is a committee or just an official.) It was good that I had a contract, because a contract was needed to give approval for work and work was needed as grounds for the visa to stay.
Five days later, after it had all fallen apart, I emailed Mr. Achorn again. My boss wanted me to try to get the fee back (since when does any bureaucracy refund fees? that's a nice dream.) and I wanted to ask my friendly Mr. Achorn what kind of paperwork I needed to do now that my situation had changed. His first question? "Where are you living? I need to know if I am still responsible for you." Typical. Essentially, when I told him, his main point became that I needed to register in the new location in order for him to no longer be responsible for my file. Except that my generous and hospitable friend's rent might go up if I were registered at her apartment, which is ridiculous to start with since I was only one-month guest. I tried to explain this, stressing over composing emails in German and going back in forth with edits. In the end, I made an intentional decision to ignore this, hoping a little silence, a little holding close of the cards, would be in my favor. We will see, when/ if it comes time for me to complete work permit/visa paperwork if this story with Mr. Achorn has a pleasant ending or foreshadows an unpleasant twist. He was waiting for my file to come from Berlin, from eight years ago, so I know that anything that goes into my file here will be there literally forever, though I may never know the contents.
In the meantime, I am grateful for his thorough explanations. I am prepared: I know how much time I have and I know what kind of paperwork I need to be an au pair. I know I need to bring lots of cash to the Auslaenderbehoerde and I need to keep my biometric pass photos. I know I need to get there first thing when it opens and I know that I do not need to be intimidated by the process: I can follow a checklist, and now I have some practice writing inquisitive emails in German. I just may send Mr. Achorn a thank-you note.

Catch-up Blitz: Unemployment and Emails

I haven't kept you updated very well in the last month. It's been a time with a different quality: an odd, lovely, waiting time, with spurts of activity and a low thrum of anxiety held at bay by a swarm of small moments of prayer.

First came the flurry of emails sent: agonizing over the boundary negotiation with my first-almost Au pair boss, then a quick return trip immediately the day after to retrieve a package, and the fury and disappointment when I was tricked into spending 3 hours and 15 euros and there was no package, just a tense request for the now-no-longer-needed house key, which could have been mailed. And when I am furious, it is almost always with myself: I should have had a plan, been clever enough somehow to see that this might be coming and know what I would do in that case, instead of being caught by surprise by treachery from an untrustworthy person. I took the high road and stayed "innocent as a dove", acting in good faith, but I lacked the capacity to be "wise as a serpent". The trustworthy trust easily, the untrustworthy trust no one, since we expect others to be like ourselves. The wise are trustworthy but wary, and set aside self-absorption to see others as they are. How can it have taken me 19 years since I started paying attention to get only this far? I can only hope that I am learning now to make better use of time and the opportunities that lay around me.

Then came another flurry of emails and facebook interactions: informing my friends and family what was going on and asking for advice and help. Making lists of leads and ideas, and trying not to get completely overwhelmed by the flood of ideas and information coming my way. Soaking up the love and support as fortification against uncertainty. Filling time with the simple acts of a weekend-- food shopping on Saturday (everything is closed on Sundays here), going to church, resting after a restless and stressful and sleepless couple days and the long-laden journey.

And then Monday, the first week of unemployment. Time to tackle things, time to learn again how to make the most of time. It is a very strange situation: to have totally unstructured time, which feels like endless time, and yet to have only 11 weeks to find a job, a place to live and get the paperwork for all of it approved through the German system. I have never liked unemployement. Even though I have enough personal projects (gifts to make, files to organize, letters to write, guitar to practice, it goes on for a while...) at any given point to occupy several lifetimes, with no where to be, I freeze up. Not all the time, of course, but it is actually very difficult to stop trying to make the "best" of time: meaning evaluating every way that the time could be spent and comparing the merits to declare a king, by which end all the time is gone, having been used to evaluate the infinite possibilities. Instead, to make the "most" of time-- pick something, not something perfect, but something reasonably useful and JUST DO IT. To actually be a little less obsessively intentional, and instead to keep moving. To pray, "Lord, I'm going to go ahead and organize my propped-open suitcase and find a new place for my piled-up tourist materials and if that isn't where you want me to spend my time, please redirect me. I want to be working in your will." And find myself writing an email to my immigration-office guy in the middle of folding socks a half hour later. Instead of praying, "Lord, what do you want me to do today?" and then find myself still sitting there, daydreaming out the window an hour later, having not even an interesting revelation to show for the time. (Yes, both these scenarios really happened in this particular week. There has been loads of time wasted-- this learning process is definitely not without its failures.)

Really, I'm kind of back where I was when I moved to Northern Virginia in October 2011: unemployed, living on grace and hospitality, overwhelmed with the enormous number of possibilities, (I could go anywhere! I could do many, many things!) waiting on the Lord to show me what next. In that particular situation, after 4 months of utterly wasted time, I wound up working at Starbucks in utter desperation-- not because I had been rejected so many times (I think I may have submitted one real job application, but I can't remember where), but because I knew that if I didn't get my time structured SOMEHOW, I would never get moving with the process. There was a lot of training that God put me through in NOVA: many trials of stewardship, discipline, steadfastness and trust. If I were the one grading myself, I would give myself an F for the first quarter and maybe a C by the end. So while I hate being unemployed, in many ways this is an exciting second trial: another chance to grow. God sees Jesus' straight-A record when He looks at me, but He is also circling back around, covering the material again so that I will not have to live without experiencing Him fully in these circumstances. How many times will we do this? As many as it takes. He is discontent that I should not know Him as the God Who Is There In My Unemployment. Or maybe even, the God Who Is There For Me, Even When I Do Not Make The Most Of Time. I bet these names sound better in Hebrew.